I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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