My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
