i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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