watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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