Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
