I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Randomize