I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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