Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
