very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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