So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
