Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
