i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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