I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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