New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
