they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
