You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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