She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
