I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
