you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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