Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
