I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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