census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
