She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
