Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
