I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
