Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
