he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
