I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize