i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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