You smell like stripper and shame
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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