READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize