Someone shit on the floor
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
