Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
