Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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