my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
