I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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