I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
