Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
