we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
