thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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