..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
