Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
