Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
