But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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