like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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