Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
