When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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