WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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