you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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