I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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