But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
