and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
