Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
