i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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