The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
