1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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