Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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