At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
