Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize