He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
