i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
