Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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