I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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