She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize