Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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