I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
