I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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