I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
