hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
