Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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