This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
