I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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