you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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