found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
