I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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