I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
