i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
