getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
